Men Are Way Smarter

As guys, we think we can make most things better, or fix stuff (including PEOPLE that don’t want to be ‘fixed’). And to avoid things like “feelings,” we just come out and say it. Ladies can do this too, but are more subtle.

Here’s an example:
 
LADY EXAMPLE: (to the guy in her life) “Are you going to wear that?” This is often said even if the man pretends to know how to dress himself. This is the “indirect” approach and hard for a man to understand. For clarity, I’ve translated it into guy language:
 
“That shirt wouldn’t be acceptable even if you were visually impaired. And with your shape, the gray pinstripe jacket makes you look like a mattress with arms. Change clothes now.” Can you see the difference? No matter our communication differences…
 
Here are "5 Things Women Are Right About Every Single Darn Time.”

1.    When women say “That person is trouble” or “There’s something about them I’m not sure of,” you need to get that person out of your life. This means run, catch a plane, change your name, get a job in a remote part of Bora Bora. Women can “sense” things like this, like when Lassie used to know when the bridge was going out (mainly because Lassie had an engineering degree).

Women can sense deceitfulness, shallowness or people with puffed-up views of themselves, which happens to include ALL men. (We help you hone this skill and give you purpose.) Women also sense that all young and attractive females within 7 miles are pure evil and need an exorcism. 

2.    When there’s a discussion and she says, “Just listen first,” it seems they’re suggesting we MIGHT NOT be right about something, which is, of course, impossible. However, when I have “listened” before jumping to my always-correct assessment, there are occasions (nearly 87% of the time) I have heard something that causes me to be even more right than I was before! Hardly. Okay ladies, you got us on this one.

Men, if you will control your mouth (another use for Duct Tape!) and listen first, you might find insight, wisdom or the mistaken notion that your silence indicates either. A no-lose situation.

This next one could save your marriage, your life and possibly civilization as we know it…

3.    “I’m not sure that’s a good idea” or “We shouldn’t do that.” If you do not follow Item 2 when this phrase is said, three things may be the culprit:  1) You have lost your ever-loving mind. 2) You have miscommunicated WHY it’s a good idea to spend ¾ of your savings to go to the motorcycle rally in Sturgis (follow-up sales tactics must be used pronto!) or 3) You have a desire to lose some of your body parts (or allow others to die from non-use).

Certain controversial studies suggest that even if it IS a “good idea,” some ladies might turn it into a very, very bad idea, causing this to be 100% accurate every time. Again, I’ve only “heard” of this and have no actual evidence, save for a nervous twitch and mild knee pain.

Just when you think you have it right, they keep you guessing…

4.    “We need to relax. Get away. Slow down.” This is much like Item 3, in that NOT following this suggestion results in a desire to remove your own organs. Often – and I’m being serious – she can tell when it’s time for YOU to relax better than you can. Though I know I’m my normal bubbly and charming self all the time, sometimes when trying to run a business, be a husband, father, financier, Mr. Fixit and then must pull the intake manifolds off a 28-year old car “in my spare time,” I might get a little cranky. Getting away can be a VERY good idea.

NOTE: If your lady’s idea of getting away includes said trip to Sturgis or other such indulgence and you are not yet married, pop the question now. You need to recognize pure gold when you see it.

And lastly,

5.    If a loving woman who has put herself second most of the time just so you could be first says “I’m behind you,” she’s not talking about first and second place, you moth-brained head of lettuce. She means spiritual support, emotional support, physical support, plus food, energy, comfort and a sacrifice of all that she is so you can become all you can be.

If for some reason you’re not there yet, probably not her fault. A trip to the mirror could prove useful. (Voice of experience.)

And if you’ve been married 29 years this month to a lady you’d marry all over again, a revisit to these truths seem especially important.  Happy Anniversary and I love you.
 
Yet to redeem the men-folk, there are TWO things ladies are always 100% wrong about:
“I’ll need a couple more minutes to get ready” and “I might go shopping.”
 
I guess we can put up with those if you put up with us.