Simple Choices

Article and text NOT by Joe the Plumber

(I did this only for the Google rankings. A marketing lesson already.)

My teenage son just got an earful (perhaps two) about having good judgment. “We’re just a product of our choices,” I said, trying not to call attention to any of mine.

He’s driving now, which causes me to squirm even as I write the line. We gave him a Driving Contract, which is required for modern day “with-it” parents. He signed it with slightly less enthusiasm than putting a Bic lighter to his own flesh. Somewhere in there, the topic turned to friends, influences, news.

I’m as sick of the economic non-news as you are. (Part of the reason its called “NEWS” is something in it should “NEW”.) I’ll go so far as to say the following, which could cause a flurry of hate-mail being sent my way.

I’m not crying about the Economic news, especially if....

1. We start looking at what’s more important in life than money. How can it be bad to return focus on family, simplicity, and doing without meaningless clutter? Gosh, we might read a book instead of forking over $50 to go to the movies. Which one could “enrich” you in two ways?
2. We remember that if we weren’t selling our stocks or homes when they were “up”, why in the world would we become anxious in contemplation of doing so when they’re down?
3. We recognize that the “value” of our gains was merely “potential” value, only becoming realistic if sold. Big difference between “potentially” and “realistically”. Potentially your service van can compete in the Indy 500. Realistically, you’d be better off on foot.
4. Embrace the “C” word. I’ve yet to see homeowners go without heat, or plumbing, or electricity. Be very thankful you’re in your field of work, and that commodity is not a four-letter word. And more importantly....
5. Just be thankful, period. You’ve got health, or the hope of improvement, plus family, friends, and faith in better days ahead. Even what Americans call “poverty” materially dwarfs 70% of the rest of the world. We need to show less attitude, more gratitude.
6. All this stuff is God’s anyway. We’re just renting it. (Some of us a little behind on the payments perhaps.) Regardless of your faith or belief, there’s a pretty decent chance you believe someone other than man made the earth, its resources, its glory. Further, I’ll imagine you’ve yet to figure out a way to take it with you when you’re gone. Want what you have.

If THIS is what the economic turmoil brings us, bring it on. It’s here anyway; neither you nor I caused it; we can only control how we respond.

A choice, as I see it.

By this time, my teenage son had passed out, bored into a slobbering heap. I hope some of it got through, and those are my hopes for you too. Now go share some good news. There’s plenty enough to go around.

Thoughts and considerations –

1. Do you have ONE PERSON you’d like to thank? I bet more than one. Why not ‘pay out’ with some thanks to somebody who could use it? Pretty darn easy, too. Click here to get started.
2. Do you have a whole BUNCH of people you’d like to thank at one time? Like, um, maybe YOUR CUSTOMERS? Take a look at Holiday Cards ANYWHERE YOU WANT. Ours are here.…
3. Would you like to triple your market penetration for pennies? Let us send you the Radius Marketing report, click here.

Recession Proof Your Business Now

From BusinessBuilder.com - "There are some businesses that continue to thrive during economic down times, mostly because they offer products and services that are always necessary or in demand. These businesses are recession-proof. But many make missteps that cause even their own decline…”

As a contractor, you’re taught to almost hate the word “commodity”. It reeks of sameness, lowest-common denominator, “price is the only differentiation” type mentality.

Yet, in contractor marketing, we do all in our feeble power to create distance between you and “that” word. We promote uniqueness, value-driven benefits, creating an iron-cage of loyalty and referrals because of the service you provide.

In all of this, we know a damaging truth: the skill sets and products don’t vary tremendously among other contractors who call themselves “good”. The variance is how you market your particular company to create differentiation. Now, in the grips of an economic downturn, there is a word that has a sweet ring all its own:

Commodity.

If you and I were selling luxury yachts, or waterfront condos as a 2nd home, or any of a zillion businesses even remotely “optional” we’d be scanning the classifieds for work right now. Yet, in the contracting world of keeping homes comfortable and safe, with running water and a dry roof overhead, there is a silent word of thanks that this is our calling. Oddly, to offer a “necessity” becomes its own luxury. Yet, many contractors will do something that – as humans – gives us all reason to shake our heads in near disbelief.

They’ll go silent. They’ll hide. Presumably, they’re wondering if becoming invisible will make them visible. Sorry, I can’t figure it out either.

At the very point on the economically-dictated map when stepping into the light of availability would make the most sense, many contractors play hide and seek. The customer would prefer not to seek, but to find. Instantly, if possible. Thus, the cowering contractor who was “waiting to see how bad it really is” becomes his predictor of fate.

Yet the corollary to this assessment is where my best clients would rather I’d chosen to silence myself. It is that if enough contractors think invisibility is a good idea, then that throws the door open wide for them. It’s almost as if half, or more, of the competition has suddenly left the market.... which in true service terms, hasn’t diminished at all.

The HVAC system doesn’t read the newspaper, and will thus fail if it feels like it. In fact, more readily if unmaintained. The water heater is neither Republican nor Democrat, and will collect sludge at the same rate as always, choosing to rot at its normally scheduled time. My breaker box is just as old and crusty as most of Congress (yet more agreeable) and doesn’t change its rate of corrosion for anyone.

So, the service business is the same now as ever. Only difference is the fearful contractors are leaving it wide open, walking away as if the home’s systems are doing exercises at night to prevent failure. There’s even a sound argument that the service business will expand due to more “cocooning” (marketing speak for more time indoors, at home) resultant from the too-expensive off site vacations, restaurants, and entertainment. I for one agree, but don’t want to take you too far too fast, on the assumption that I somehow benefit from a “pro-marketing” push.

Oh, sure, we marketers always think marketing is “the” answer, and in my not-so-jaded reality voice, I contend it usually is the answer. But only to a problem that is related to generating phone calls, building image, recognition, RETENTION, and referrals. If you happened to notice one word in there more prominent than the others, there’s a reason.

I get paid most of my money to generate phone calls. So be it. You find this proclivity “mystical” but I find your ability to detect a leak you can’t see “other worldly”, so we’re even. So, my reverence and strongest advice is for retention right now. (You can call us to get your phone to ringing, but it’ll be a lot more expensive and quite honestly less productive than the following.)

See, “your” business economy is not currency. It’s customers. So, to go one alliterative step further, customers are your currency. They’re cash. They’re gold reserves. They’re your oil pipeline. And if any of those were in your physical possession, you’d do all in your power to “protect” those, right? Same thing here. Your focus upon your most valuable asset – customers – is premiere, right now, like no other time.

And for those of you who might slip into “fear-think” mode and say, “Hey, they already call me when they need me so I’ll just do nothing” are woefully misguided. I don’t know who told you that customers have 100% recall, 100% loyalty, and that all 100% have you on speed-dial, but sorry to let you know: they don’t. You think the American public doesn’t know and remember who Coca-Cola is? Then why-oh-why do they continue to remind us? Perhaps to continue building and maintaining their position of 65 year uninterrupted dominance in our brains, that’s why.

Your job is to service customers, not to disappear on them. So, if you want a marketing tip or two, be a good steward of both your resources and your customers by.…

1. Reach out. It’s not all about you – at least to your customers it isn’t. So when you make it about them you score every time. This is one reason why your newsletter is so important (ask for a free sample if you haven’t yet done yours for this season). You get to reach out to your customers about more than just their contracting needs – but you reinforce the relationship and their loyalty for when they do need you.
2. Remind. Do you remember everything that you’re supposed to do? Didn’t think so. So why would you think your customers remember every time their equipment needs to be serviced? Or who serviced it for that matter? Remind them that you can handle both for them with your branding and TOMA campaigns (call us if you don’t have one and we’ll get you started before more of your customers forget that they’re your customers).
3. Reward. If your customers repeatedly choose to buy from and refer you, why not make sure they’re getting something out if it? Use discounts, “bonus dollars” towards future services, or small gifts to reward them for their loyalty.
4. Respond. Your customers want to know that they’re being heard. That means when they call with questions, concerns, or outright complaints, you respond. When they know that you’re paying attention and not just ignoring them, they’ll know you really care – which strengthens the relationship and their loyalty to you.
5. Reap referrals. There’s no better way to gain automatic trust than through a referral. You’re covered under the umbrella of whoever referred you. And if you’re not asking for referrals, you’re missing one of the most valuable – and least effort – revenue streams available to your business. Not such a great idea with this economic forecast, eh? Call us for a free Endless Referrals report and start mining this high quality group now.

Before you say “why bother”, you may want to consider these cold hard facts:

• It costs more to find a new customer than to keep an existing customer. It’s estimated that landing a new customer costs 5 to 20 times more than selling into an existing relationship. (Source: http://www.salesresources.com/)
• Just a 10% improvement in customer retention results in a 30% increase in the value of the company: That’s absolutely huge, and although effort is involved, the process of implementing a sound customer retention strategy isn’t hard. (Source: Bain & Co.)
• The probability of selling to an existing customer is 60-70%: And there’s only a 5-20% probability that you will sell to a new prospect. (Source: Marketing Metrics)
• 80% of your sales come from 20% of your customers. (Source: http://www.marketing.about.com/)
• A 5% increase in customer retention can increase business profits by 25% to 125%: Read it again if you have to, because those increases again, are huge! (Source: Gartner Group and “Leading on the Edge of Chaos”, Emmett C. Murphy and Mark A. Murphy, 2003)

Neither of us can “change” the news. All we’re able to control is our reaction to it. Thus, the choices are to do nothing and cause that exact outcome in our business or to market prudently from a true stance of fearless invulnerability. I assure you, either choice will make a tremendous difference in your confidence, business and future.

The Great Email Backlash

I hate it. We all hate it.

Email has turned into the digital telemarketer during dinner. It's too much, too often, and - in my lowly estimation – too cheap. I wish they'd charge for it so the spammers, slammers, and scammers could just go bother someone else.

In the meantime, you and I nearly dread the return from a vacation, finding inboxes crammed with promised millions, Viagra offers, male "enhancements" and some scandalous promise from the marketing world. (Yes, probably even me on occasion.)

So, the legitimate emailers of the world are sort of trapped by association. This very e-newslettter goes through massive filtration to keep out of the trash (though we lose a few some every issue) and has gotten 'dressed up' mightily over the years to maintain a credible presence. We've taken steps to greatly increase readership, get by the "wrong" filters though.

Many of you have ezines for clients who visit your website. Yahoo! Great move, that's an awesome babystep toward the relationship. But it cannot stop there, or in fact, it WILL stop there…. then retreat.

MarketingSherpa – an online marketing training company - conducted a study of 4,000 email/ezine publishers and found some startling news about email backlash. If you ONLY use email as a customer contact, they found that "Credibility and readership" were most at risk. Seems those might be important.

Shocker 2: They found many online, solely digital based businesses "finally" resorted to postal mail to drive customers to portal and commerce sites with resounding results. One seminar company ($40million in sales) that teaches how to make money on the internet found its biggest response to seminar attendance was from – gulp – postal mail.

Re-read the first 3 sentences of this article. Now read the rest of this article and the strategies you should consider now to grab your customer's attention while your competition is looking for the "cheap" way to drive them to boredom…

Bottom Line: Postal mail is back, in a big way.

Almost immediately, we launched a paper and ink newsletter mailed to our top clients (CRC and MegaMarketer members receive The Contractor MegaMarketer every month.) We've been bugging you about this trend, feeling it would only get worse. We were half right.

It got worse, but for two different reasons: "Distraction and interruption".

Whereas postal mail can be read at leisure, and other media can chosen or not, email continues to relentlessly 'bling' into place, ever heightening the stack of "unopened" mail, each begging for attention.… while some legitimate email lands in the SPAM folder for no discernable reason. (Case in Point: I'm doing a product exchange with a man I've communicated with for a couple months; today, without warning I see his proposal is in my SPAM folder…. and has been for 2 weeks. Why? He had a "dollar sign" in his email.)

It's Not A Youth Thing, Mega-Byte Breath

I was sure I was on the "other side" of the age group attempting to form a "Let's Kill the Sender of the Next Email I Didn't Request" party. But no, not by a rather long shot. And the "target" audience that contractors are after hate email more than you do!

So, here's where I admit I was half-wrong, twice in one article. Quoted from Vertis Communications study on readership habits and advertising response:

"Despite the rise of website, email and other electronically based advertisements, printed direct-mail marketing pieces are still widely read, especially by women ages 25 to 44.

"Eighty-five percent of women ages 25 to 44 (with email accounts) said they read printed direct-mail pieces compared to just 53 percent who read email advertisements. The percentage of young women who read email advertisements has not changed from 2005, when 54 percent indicated they viewed this type of marketing. Numbers for women 45-65 were 94% and 45%, increasing the email to postal gap markedly."

Double oops. Your "target" group prefers postal mail, and email readership hasn't gone up at all in 3 years. (Remember, the prediction was that the US Post Office would be nearly shut down by now!)

After a year of our print plus email versions, results have been astounding. We "point" from one to the other, engaging people at the level they prefer. Likewise, we point from email to web, web to phone, and mail to both. Email alone could never accomplish this. Also.…

Ever try finding 'that' email you so enjoyed 4 months ago? Sure, I can print it out and save it, but who does? But with "real" mail, I can keep up with it in one location quite handily. Mark it up, dog ear, write on it, rip a coupon and put it in my wallet.

Your strategy in a limping economy –

1. Build a huge, impenetrable fence around your customer base starting yesterday using a variety of media. Primary means is Direct Mail. Secondary means is Telephone (as thank you to every service visit, follow up to request referrals). Third means is email identified clearly as from you and NOT a solicitation.
2. Postal Mail contact frequency per customer: 4-12 times per year with at least 4 contacts as "soft sell" and/or educational pieces (newsletters, reminders, or other). Two to four more can be "celebratory" (birthday, anniversary, holiday, etc.) The remainder Direct Response offers.
3. IN ADDITION to above, you can email up to twice as often (since delivery rates are so pathetic) making sure every contact is run through a SPAM filter. More trigger words are added daily. CLICK HERE to get the most current list.

Remember, your credibility is contained in how you contact your customers. If YOU ONLY communicate in a way that's cheap and grossly overused, don't be surprised if you're "associated" thereby. Combine your contact methods. Let Postal mail "drive" customers to the phone and to your website; pound your name into their recall for their friends and neighbors.

Adams Hudson

P.S. Do you want credibility and readership from your customers? Click here to receive a free Customer Retention report and customer newsletter sample.

The Concept of the Common Villain, and the Ugliest Yellow Page Ad I Ever Saw in My Life

Headline too lengthy? At 17 words, it's 3 over the "expert's" limit, but since you've now read this sentence, apparently "they" are wrong. Again. The problem with experts, policy, rules is that it is no sooner created than refuted in the area of human psychology and persuasion.

Yes, I list "rules" in my seminars and writings. I do this to keep it simple, clear, relatively concise – and I'll defend to the death that there is a place for such. The pie crust recipe on the box is just fine for "standard"; it's your mama who made it better. She made it hers.

So far, I've hinted at two marketing lessons relative to the headline. The first is the elusive "they", a band of mysterious experts that most would like to see beat up somewhere. The second is "standard", which although representative of the majority, virtually no one claims to be a member!

Both, as it turns out, are rather subtle "enemies". You identify with each on some level, desirous of stepping aside while they pass.

Then there are the flagrant enemies, worthy of banning together and bashing against the tyranny.

All good movies and books have them. All super-heroes have them. All fascinating lives have them. And I have mine in marketing: Thank Heaven for the villainous Yellow Pages.

I applaud their sales nastiness, their cunning, marginally deceptive strong-armed tactics. I adore their awful, underperforming ads, dripping with world-class creative incompetence. I love that they're a really big, really expensive, and – in the realm of ad creation – an easily beaten foe. A Goliath needs a David. I have been happy to accept the role, however poorly, crudely, or undeservedly.

The ad agencies told me, not so politely, that I was insane to "charge" for a YP ad that the publisher would do for free. We started doing these because we knew we could do a better job than the schlock "they" did. And we could guarantee them. (Currently a 97% "keeper" rate! Something MUST be working!) We were paid, and the ads worked.

Oddly, that wasn't the main value.

Whenever I mentioned the Yellow Pages in a seminar or article, we found a near-rabid, froth-at-the-mouth, "Let's storm Frankenstein's castle!" type of rage toward the Yellow Pages. Contractors were livid, impassioned with stories of, well "un-nice" things. I'd stumbled upon "the enemy". Hallelujah.

Over the years, you've supported helping us take Goliath if not to his knees, at least a couple well placed shots to the shins. Thousands of you have gotten better ads (mine and your customer's opinions.… not always yours!) that saved you money, generated more leads, and got you to consider investing some of those saving with this "crazy marketing guy". It's been an honor.

You too have enemies to flail in front of your customers.

A few in our PowerPack in case you missed them, but whether you have that product of ours, take a gander at the "enemy" line up that causes your customer to sit up, take notice, and hopefully take out a pen to sign the "Bid Acceptance" form….

The Government – We yelled at them for the 1.6 gallon toilets (in the Plumbing PowerPack) and for their handling of the 10-12 SEER efficiency change. We did the "end around" for the efficiency rebates. (Greg Gill did over $2million is sales by himself with that promo. Showed that ad to a combination of applause and shock at two conferences. Mega Members have it.) We've used the Government as a "friend" when needed to support facts and figures. It's all marketing.

The Utility - If you can't make these guys enemies, you're WAY too nice. The rate shifts, profit gouging (perceived), and the assumption that all energy bills are going up, all the time, even while you sleep. Showing an ROI on energy – NOT PAYBACK! – is easier than my daughter's 9th grade math homework, by far.

The Competition – Be careful here. What you want is a "General" acceptance that "many" contractors make you wait too long, or don't show up at all, or "seem" to disappear when there's a warranty claim. That's easy because it's true. But customers need reminding. And many contractors don't drug test, or train beyond the "can you please walk upright" test, but YOU do drug test, and you send your techs/CSRs to school regularly. Plus, "others" may confuse the homeowner (undoubtedly) but you show prices up-front, and explain what you're doing. Guarantees separate you even farther.

The "Business As Usual" Approach – This is the "Whatever happened to Customer Service?" that McD and others have so ungraciously numbed us to. Making a point of follow-up, sending newsletters, thank you cards, and appointment reminders are not just me trying to 'sell' you something, it's for you to be a standout in a sea of Customer Disservice. Heck, I just spent a year on a CSR package because this industry needs to step out of the shadows. Making an 'enemy' out of sorry service is easier than Michael Phelps kicking rear in Marco Polo. You're different from the "norm"; make that thoroughly obvious.

Yourself – Funny one to pick, but you're different.… remember? You bought too many, you bought too late, you understaffed for the season, you forgot there was a price-increase coming ("so act before I change the price books"), you over-allowed/under-allowed for the mild weather. Oh, you can't "admit" a mistake to your adoring public? Then please show us the X-rays of the printed circuitry where your brain is supposed to be. We make mistakes; humans admit them; customers accept them.… and raise their trust of you while they buy accordingly.

If you're not employing enemies in your work, you're failing at the "contrast" customers use when they buy. Check your PowerPack for more, or call us to get you started.

QUESTIONS:

1. How can I make an obvious 'differentiation' in my business in every phone call? Every ad? Every form? Every customer contact?
2. 
   Do my techs and CSRs know how we're different? Do they regularly "position" us favorably against the enemies and threats customers face?
3. 
   WHAT IS THE UGLIEST YELLOW PAGE AD ever in the history of the universe? (Okay, it's not the ugliest, but it IS the one we chose for the Free Yellow Page Ad Makeover to be given away at Comfortech! Come by EXHIBIT 132 to see all the critiques! Or you can "CLICK HERE" to get the full report when it's published. This should be a hoot!

Is Your Business Enhanced with Each Job?

Oops, I did it again. (Apologies to Ms. Spears, perhaps the only one she’s gotten in awhile.) But I – well, “we” since my wife is an accomplice – bought another project. It’s an old, dilapidated, run-down house, exactly the condition we like. Seems to be a theme with me: “HEY LOOK! There’s a project where I’ll need contractors in my work life AND nonexistent spare time! I’ll take it!”

Basically, I take all the money I earn from contractors and then give it right back to contractors. It’s one big circle of love. Or is it a slow moving drain?

The Realtor, attempting encouragement of said house, “Adams, you could do part of it and just leave the rest as it is.” This is like saying, “Michelangelo, if you get tired of doing that ceiling, you could just sheet rock over the rest of it.”

In an attempt to appear prudent, we hired a real architect and a real contractor.

Electrical – Complete rewiring. The old box had been painted shut in the 80’s, apparently just after the wiring was “upgraded” by Medusa’s hair stylist. It looked like a nest of light green snakes. Some switches in the house worked; I think a few of them were merely decorative to cover up the fist holes.

Plumbing – There were two bathrooms, sort of. One of the toilets was dated 1965, and worked, but it’s “per flush” volume was enough to cause area lakes to shift slightly. The other one swayed like a drunken Frat boy, and was about as presentable. My wife looked at each plumbing item and labeled them all with the technical term: “Gross”.

HVAC – Far as I could tell, there wasn’t an “H”, “V”, “A” or “C” worth keeping. Some contraption had been installed about 2” beneath the deck, whereupon its hot humid blower had rotted a 3 foot hole in the deck. One peek under the house revealed “ductwork” apparently engineered by Dr. Seuss of “Whoville Air Conditioning.” It had more kinkiness and joints than a backstage Hip Hop party.

Roofing – The most amazing thing: It didn’t leak, but it gave you that false sense of confidence of wearing, say, paper pants in a windstorm. Things could go bad wrong, quickly. You’ve heard of 20-year shingles? These were the slightly less reliable 90 minute version.

Aside from this, the house was perfect. So, why’d we do this project? Three reasons, only one of them makes any sense at all….

Item 1: Insanity in the face of a historical artifact. Item 2: Hoping to make what house flippers call a “profit” to fund a kitchen renovation at our “real” house. Since my wife and I timed this perfectly, we’ve invented a new term called “House Floppers”, where profit exists only in theory right before you buy it. Then there was Item 3.

The house is a 1,700 foot, late Victorian cottage, probably a 1920’s build date which makes it one of the oldest on this calm cul-de-sac across from a small but well-regarded college. It’s also about 300 feet from my city’s oldest Country Club. Property values – even in this “Chicken Little Real Estate” market – have remained healthy.

So we jumped in, blithely disregarding that item known as “logic”. Couple notes from the files - -
Plumbing – They did an awesome job. This was a well-respected company (not a one-horse sub like we’d expected) and it showed. They came when they said, did their work neatly, and got out of there. Very fair. I’d call ‘em for my home, no doubt. You think they knew about my kitchen renovation?

Electrical – Not so good. He was cheap, but we “paid” for expensive in many ways. One example: he made way too many return trips, each causing a Domino effect delay in the process. He’d walk right past dead outlets, never suggesting he replace them. The problem is his cheap subconscious: “If it sounds like I’m ‘selling’ they won’t like me.” My subconscious to his: “Oh shut up – be a pro and suggest what you know is correct and let me decide.” He had two minor flirts with dementia. First, he put the plug for the microwave/stove vent IN FRONT OF THE VENT. This makes access mighty difficult. Second, he mounted the doorbell chime SIDEWAYS. My 14-year old daughter didn’t even know what it was and asked me, “Why is that thing mounted sideways?”

If this person were our city’s only electrician, demand for candles would skyrocket. I wonder if he knows there are other electricians in town. Nah, he’s blaming his woes on the economy.

HVAC – This is the same company that did the plumbing. They did a great job, but unwisely failed to ask me if I wanted a higher SEER option on the original quote. Probably figured I’d be romanced by the low bid (understandable in the circumstances, but offering an upsell “option” is wise.) Had a refrigerant leak, they came and swapped out compressors instantly, no hassle. I’d call ‘em again. In fact, I already did.

Roofing – We went ahead and bit the asphalt bullet on this one. Just ripped the old one off and started over. Good thing too. Decking was a bigger sponge than Arsenio Hall’s entourage. Now it’s level, sound, firm, warranted, and a boost to buyer’s confidence. Plus, I hate complainers, and didn’t want to hear some buyer boo-hooing about the roof later. I’d use him again. Oh wait, already did.

One costly upgrade: My wife wanted Cedar Shakes on the front porch of the house. It looked great but added about $2grand to the $7,600 quote. My cheap gene over-reacted to her decision in a somewhat notable fashion. (More later.)

Finally, after roughly 700 contractors had done their work, the house was about 90% complete, and a prospect peered through the window with the very same Realtor® who sold us the house. They call me, locate the key, and go through the house with the cell phone on. I hear gasps of excitement about the hardwood floors, the refinished mantles, gorgeous ceramic tile work, and good paint colors.

After a few minutes of questions, the phone is handed to the purchaser who has been through the house and tells me “it’s just what I’m looking for.”

He wants to just look at it from the outside, “Oh my gosh!” he exclaims, which I thought meant he saw a cloud of termites emerge from the chimney. “Look at the cedar shakes over the porch. They make this house the best looking one on the street.” Forty minutes later, he makes a thoroughly acceptable offer.

And I make a thoroughly sheepish apology to my wife. (Guys, do this about 4 times a year, whether you need to or not. On second thought, you need to.)

Laughably, there won’t be any profit on this house, other than lessons learned and the “joy” of resurrecting an old house. We spent about $90,000 in renovation, and I figure about $40,000 of that was spent among 6 contractors I’ll never use again. The painter was over-exposed to solvents; the tile guy had one speed, known as “idle”; the cabinet guys had the collective IQ of a stapler. And so it went. Unbeknownst to them, their business suffers with each job. Think that through. Word of mouth does have a reverse feature.

Yet the others proved themselves to be worthy of the term “contractor”. Their business is enhanced with each job. How about yours?

For those worthy of the Contractor title, I’d like you to have a poster for your workplace. It’s called “The Contractors Code of Profession” and you can go grab yours here, under one condition – You promise to read it through, and if you agree, display it to remind you of your true work. And if you want to be a standout from the competition, get a sample of our custom newsletter here.

Take Nothing For Granted

Woe is me. Seems my last editorial about a laparoscopy which was really a “colonoscopy” but who cares?) didn’t go over that well with some of the more “delicate” readers, one of whom simply wrote “GROSS!” on her re-faxed copy. How’d I know it was from a female? Because guys think burping and making noises with their armpits is hilarious; we don’t gauge gross…. we ARE gross!

Thus my apologies for mentioning the word “spleen” in an editorial. So today, in an effort to seek editorial “balance” we’re going to talk about ingrown toenails. JUST KIDDING.
Today, we’re going to talk about family stuff. (There’s a marketing lesson in case you were wondering.)

I’m a father of two teenagers. A few years back, they both thought I contained all the knowledge in the universe and could uproot trees bare-handed. I was protector, professor, and pro-wrestler in one package.

My, how times have changed.

Now they look at me in amazement if I can complete an actual sentence. I’ve determined that they see the world divided into two camps —

1. Teenagers = Cool beyond description, smarter than all other humanoids; highly adept and thoroughly relevant.
2. Parents = None of the above.

Almost as painful in print as at dinner. Yet, they cannot argue the following point: We’ve been teenagers.

We’ve been equally sure as we were ‘un’; equal parts child and adult, madly flip-flopping like a decked mackerel on any of a thousand points. We escaped into our music, our hair, our clothes, and whatever gadgets, authors, or movements supported our call to independence. We failed to see the irony that we were “being different” all together. Silly us. And then there were drugs.

Our contrarian, thrill-seeking, independent rebellion couldn’t be more “individualized” than taking our own personal vacation from reality. Yet what was once fringe element is now mainstream. And then there was sex.

What was once shameful and stigmatized, now called courageous and bold. What once was cleaned-up pornography in the brown wrapper behind the gruff man at the convenience store is now two clicks away from anywhere. (Such as wherever they are right this second.) Oh, and it’s not cleaned up. And then there were my children. And your children.

Time Together, Time Alone

This summer, I decided to take a week off every month. (Some may recall that I took off every Friday and Monday last summer. Just experimenting here. Next year I’m contemplating taking a month off every week.)

In June, we took a real-live, old-fashioned, “Are We There Yet” car trip through various states. In each state, I did what all of you do to commemorate the visit: Flailing my arm in the back seat area while driving to swat the first person I could reach, proclaiming, “YOU’RE BOTH WRONG BECAUSE YOU’RE DRIVING ME INSANE.” This of course was said in a loving sort of way. Ah yes, car trips.

We learned far more about each other than we did about geography.

In July, I took my daughter to JH Ranch (http://www.jhranch.com/) for a week, as I did with my son last year. This is a Christian-based adventure camp, where dumb dads help figure out different strategies with their children, or have “fun” dangling 60 feet in the air suspended by wires, or raft down a river screaming “PLEASE DO NOT HIT THAT ROCK”. Stuff like that.

The staff is remarkably well-trained, safe and courteous. They cook, clean, guide and care-take all summer with a service attitude that’d rival a 5 star resort. This is made more remarkable by two little facts: 1) They’re college-age students and 2) They’re 90% volunteer. Translation: No pay. They work for smiles and a higher calling. If they actually represented the majority youth of America, then America’s youth is just fine. Yet if they only serve as examples to my children, that’s great too.

This trip was of life long value. So you may be asking….

Did I buy a “camp experience”? A Christian experience? Did I buy rafting, tower climbing, rock jumping, and learning to sleep in an un-air conditioned cabin with 9 other dads? Yes, some of all. But mostly, I bought time with my little girl.

We got time alone, and time together. This is in precious, rare supply while at home. I’m usually doing the Dagwood Bumstead off to work; she’s doing whatever 14 year-olds do that don’t involve Dad. During this week, we found out that each of us are people, bred of the stock they call family, unified through a gift as miraculous as it is taken for granted. Its called time. We enjoyed each other’s company enough to make more time to be together.

My advice: Take nothing for granted. The time you get with your children and anyone else you consider “valuable” is a gift we don’t get to re-wrap and open again. Some of you are into grandchildren, and that message is truer than ever.

Relationships CAN’T flourish through reduced contact. Even dumb ol’ dads know this.

QUESTIONS to consider:

Who are you NOT in contact with enough? What can you do to change that right now?
Do you think your customers KNOW you’re their contractor? If ‘no’, is this because you don’t contact them? How can you change that?

Organ Music

Each year, near my birthday (which now comes at alarmingly short intervals) I schedule a physical. This year, I was told my blood pressure was low (good) and I didn’t appear to have any parasites living with me (my children don’t count).

Yet, during the most demeaning moment of this annual ritual, my doctor said words that strike fear into all males nearing my age: “Your credit card was declined.” Wait, no, that’s not it, it was…

“We need to schedule a laparoscopy.”

Doctors often say the word “we” which generally only means “you”, because I don’t really think he wants to get the “Two for one” Laparoscopy special with me. Same with their receptionists who often say, “…and how do we want to take care of the co-pay today?” in a kind, kindergarten teacher’s voice. Next time I’m tempted to say, “I’m going to pay mine in Candy Land tokens; how about your part?” It won’t be the first office I’ve been kicked out of.

My doctor – whom I truly like – began to describe the Laparoscopy process. He said a Gastroenterologist (Latin for “Your spleen is showing”) will schedule me to come in on a Friday. I already interrupt: “Why Friday?” (I’m thinking it’s to celebrate.)

“Well,” he looks at me over his reading glasses, “because you might need the weekend to rest…” and his voice trailed off like a horror film just before the commercial break. He continued, while sweat formed on my lip.

“On Thursday, you’ll be drinking a mixture of liquid to ‘cleanse’ you completely.” He looked over his glasses again. I could almost hear the organ music. (HA! Get it? Organ music! You don’t get quality humor like this just anywhere.) At this point, I felt it would be inappropriate to ask if by “cleansing liquid” he meant that I would drink a liter of Sprite and shake myself violently until it shot out my nose. (Not that I have any personal experience with that method.) I compose myself.

For the next few minutes, he described the process. What I gathered – and I’m doing my best not to be graphic or technical – is that I would be drinking about 400 gallons of LiquidPlum’r. After this, my organs would be buffed and detailed using a Shop Vac and Orbital buffer. Some of them might need re-chroming. Then, dozens of doctors would recommend an RFP for my EKG hoping I wasn’t NSF.

Okay, that’s what it sounded like to me. I was feeling weak and almost dropped a platelet. After this description, he takes off his serious glasses and asks,

“Does this sound okay with you?”

I immediately wonder, “What happened to the us part?” but decide to ask two important questions instead: 1) Will insurance pay for it? And 2) Will insurance pay for it? My second question was actually, “And what is the purpose of this little procedure?”

He answers solemnly. “It’s to help keep you alive and healthy and loving life for as long as we can.” A bit of silence. Now the insurance question didn’t even rank.

My doctor is no salesman, but he’d clearly crossed the “cost versus benefit” line. Deal closed.