Thursday, April 21, 2011

Connected Disconnection

During GM’s darkest hour in July of 2009, Bill Gates groused at some international Geek-Fest that if GM had kept up with technology the way the computer industry had, they would be selling higher quality, less expensive cars and be more profitable.

Having just exorcised my computer from a crippling virus, I’d like to offer that if GM had made cars in accord with Microsoft’s self-professed “progress”, their cars would randomly crash several times a month. Further, the dashboard would occasionally go completely blue forcing you to either replace the engine or throw the car away and start anew… without apology or culpability from GM. Yeah, thanks, Bill – that’s exactly what GM needs.

Perhaps I took this a little personally, this attack on my personal computer.

More deceptively, this particular virus ACTED LIKE IT WAS MY FRIEND. It said, “Malware detected. Click to quarantine.” And since we’ve got every virus protection this side of wearing radioactive-proof puffy clothes, I clicked. Bad idea.

My mouse became possessed and disobeyed my commands. It was doing the digital equivalent of dropping mouse droppings on my desk while giving me a rude paw signal. Soon enough, a recorded female voice suggested I purchase “Malware protection”. I sensed evil in her tone and a realization of defeat. I shut her down, but the damage was done.

I had 3 thoughts (A new record for me!). The first was understandably murderous. The other two suggest there can be life after disconnectedness… and benefits galore.

My first thought: who exactly benefits from the infliction of viruses? Who has time to design these and sit back and hope random damage occurs? The same smarts that created these could certainly do something more productive.

My second thought: Now what? We’re all so computer/email/social media entrenched that I felt like an adult-sized umbilical cord had been unplugged. I fired up my ‘non-networked’ laptop to create documents and limp through my responsibilities. Yet a few times that first day, I found myself with hands perched atop my now-dead keyboard in some robotic trance. My former desk mate and connection to community was a lifeless appliance. It was like finding out your dog had actually been a stuffed toy all along.

My third thought: How can I use this for good? Though my initial feelings were ‘loss’, in time those shifted toward ‘freedom’. Untethered to the constant inflow of emails all screaming “Pick me! Pick me!”, I could actually complete a thought. An editorial. A line of responsibility.

I could catch up on my ever-overflowing pile of valuable though less intrusive mail. (There’s a lesson in that last sentence for you dear contractor marketers. Hint: Mail readers spend 2.4 times more to reading printed mail than emailed equivalents. Source: Digital Age, 2/10, ‘Are You Worth the Trouble?’)

I read my marketing newsletters, trade journals, plus several promotional letters and magalogs. I found it interesting that several “online” marketers have shifted more focus toward direct mail and done so quite effectively. The smartest ones overlap on and offline.

I made time to finish the book, 24 Hours That Changed the World, about Jesus’ last days. My suffering ‘seemed’ like a big deal, but sort of paled to betrayal, wrongful accusation and flogging. You don’t really have to look far to see someone worse off, ever. Also gave me time to finish up related Sunday School lessons for my class of largely disinterested 11th graders. And I thought contractors were a tough crowd. Whoa.

I then relearned how to use a pen. Remember those? Ink flows out of one end and scribes “words” on paper. Then people blessed with the ability to decipher “cursive” (an ancient communication font) can actually read.

And since my Outlook reminders had ceased, I put notes in my DayTimer (ask your grandparents). Works fine. Speaking of remembering, there was a time that a normal human being could remember 20-30 phone numbers instantly. Now it’s done for us. The same person could remember several birthdays, anniversaries (Oops!) and appointments, sans nano-nanny. They could compose paragraphs in clear, successive thoughts, with infrequent misspellings that neither required massive re-edits, paragraph rearrangement, nor any need to use a splchkr.

The fusion of the brain line-links that made us able to do this are evolutionally eroding, suggests author Joshua Foer in Moonwalking With Einstein, How to Remember Everything (a book I just remembered was on my nightstand!). Lack of focus, electronic memories, and regular interruptive distractions caused by our love affair with computers and now hand-held versions thereof, are eating our ability to think.

There is even suggestion that our sway toward “being more efficient” through gadgetry has crossed a line of diminishing returns. That is, more efficient machines are yielding less-efficient people.

You think I’m longing for a return to the stone-age? Could be were in the “stoned-age” as we speak:



  • Office workers spend 28% of the workday dealing with interruptions (2.1 hours on average).

  • The average recovery time from any interruption is about 4 minutes.

  • Employees devote just 11 minutes to a project before being sidetracked.

  • The IQ of workers who juggle email messages and work falls by 10 points -- the equivalent to missing a whole night's sleep and more than double the 4-point fall seen after smoking marijuana! (If your staff begins lobbying hard on this point, time for another random urine test.)

  • 53% of workers check their email more than 6 times per day. 34% check it constantly. The word ‘constantly’ leaves little room to be doing any other actual work. Is ANYTHING that urgent. What, are they expecting a message that says, “You’re currently on fire!”?

Honestly, my 3 days of “email time out” and virally imposed disconnection was fabulous. My desk is neater, my brain more full, my appreciation for contemplation in a normally NON-contemplative environment increased.

A popular method of running a faster marathon among those who do? Run a mile. WALK a mile. Rest, recharge, contemplation, prayer. Call it what you will. Even God disconnected on the 7th day. Try it.

Disconnect from the network; reconnect to yourself. I bet you’ll like yourself more than you remembered.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

"You Just Have To"

My resistance to this phrase may be a remnant from childhood.“You HAVE to eat your vegetables” comes to mind, with Broccoli leading the charge. Aside from the fact that Broccoli has the identical silhouette to a nuclear explosion, it reeks. Disguising it with melted cheese is no help; like pouring chocolate sauce on liver. What a waste.

The directives came in waves. “You have to brush your teeth; You have to make up your bed; You have to quit shaving the cat.” That last one was probably true. For months people asked if that cat had recently undergone surgery.

Yet most people – especially those of us faking adulthood - don’t like being told what they “have” to do. Seems like an optionless, foreboding request. We tend to reel back, sensing a plot in the making. The following was no exception.

I got an “automated call” on Saturday. Nothing I love more than chatting with a robot, especially one convinced I was “Myrna Stanley” and telling me “Your prescription is ready to pick up at the pharmacy.” The robot didn’t care I was detailing my boat, layingupside down, with carpet cleaning vapors in my nose.

To prevent being called Myrna by another robot, I call the unnamed pharmacy whose initials and motto could be “Customers Vaguely Satisfied” to let them know a) The real Myrna is probably wondering why your robot hasn’t called her and b) I really need to get back to snorting carpet surfactants.

When I relayed the information, the first words out of her mouth were, you guessed it… “You HAVE to call Customer Service at 1-800-…”

From there, it didn’t go all that well. Yet look at what you’re told you HAVE to do, in business, and what if any of it is really true? The HAVE TO’s of the world are usually thinking “because that’s what the crowd is doing” instead of thinking strategically toward independence.

So I offer “4 Common Marketing ‘Have To’s You DO NOT Have to Do”

1.You HAVE to be in Social Media – Correction: you have a life and business to run. If the brain drain and TIME invested in social media doesn’t pay off, why bother? (Or if you’ve yet to meet a business to MODEL who has achieved worthwhile return) no need to immerse yourself. If dollars per lead (in staff time) don’t yield a suitable ROI (around $75), change strategies or find a media that pulls better. Succeeding in Social Media isn’t as simple as “just showing up” as some would lead you to believe. Plus, there are great ways to minimize the time on Social Media by ‘auto-publishing’ the content to multiple places. (Get a report on Success in Social Media at the link)

2.You HAVE to be in the Yellow Pages – Bull Droppings. You can choose to have a presence, and it’s recommended you spend less than 15% of your Total Marketing budget in there, using a Direct Response format, and strategically linking respondents to your website, capturing email/texting contact information on every call. This is how the ‘new’ Yellow Page ads clobber the ‘old’ ones, even though they’re way smaller, less costly. Want to get your Yellow Page ad critiqued for maximum results per dollar? Click to request.

3.You HAVE to use your co-op for ‘our’ ads – I’m probably about to get yelled at (oh, like this’ll be the first time) but hear me out: Offer to test ‘your’ preferred ad vs. the factory ad on sales results. Then see if they’ll co-op ‘your’ winning ad over the one designed by people who may have never met an actual customer. If you’ll approach the manufacturer this way, you BOTH get what you want: more leads, more sales, from the same or less marketing cost. (Plus, you’ll have a unique ad instead of the ‘me too’ stuff the others are running.)

4.You HAVE to use Slick Mail pieces – Could this advice be any worse? Who made this up? We regularly trounce this silly notion, side-by-side tests, with multiple times the dollars resulting. The point is that you only HAVE to be sane about your ROI.

5.You HAVE to forward this issue of SMI to at least 3 friends. Well, yes, this one is absolute fact. If you don’t, somewhere above your now-balding head, a hole in the ozone layer will open up. Don’t risk it. (Seriously, we DO invite your friends and colleagues as subscribers. Hit your Forward buttons now!)

Contractor friends, you don’t HAVE to do anything in marketing that doesn’t:

•Have a measured outcome that you desire.
•Have a track record worthy of emulating
•Get you closer to YOUR goal (instead of sacrificing your goal to meet someone else’s!)